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Got a fishing story you'd like to share?
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 Educated Docklands BreamFrom: Bruce Phillips "Sam, I think you'll find this location to your liking here in the inner city - excellent transport, land prices are certainly booming and you're close to everything really. You've got the lights of the Bolte Bridge at night, football at the stadium down the end of the road, and the food supply really is a lot more varied than down Lakes Entrance way. And the area really is quite cosmopolitan." "And as a living area goes Sam, it is very well catered for." "Did you know that Parks Victoria actually run a rubbish pick up service by boat several times a day right past our door? They do, honest. And hey, that's a lot better than the suburbs mate, where rubbish pick up is only once a week !!! This area actually is a lot cleaner than people give it credit for - it's because Bracksie lives at Willie that we're getting all the clean up - but that's fine. It's good for property prices. And it's working mate, coz we've now got bushies like yourself moving down here and adding to the whole cultural mix of the place - it's great. And the waiting list, the waiting list to get in here is something like two years mate, two years!!!!!" "But Sam, as a wet behind the ears fish from the bush, there are a few things you need to watch out for, which might be a little different to the Lakes, so we'll just hang around together for a day or so until we get you settled in." "Look Sam, see - we've got ourselves a punter." "Now, just back off out of the way until he drops his sinker mate, coz if that thing hits you on the head, you'll be a basket case. You'll end up with the IQ of a mullet. Better block your ears too mate, coz a sinker that size could take out your ear drums when it hits the bottom." "They're amazing aren't they?" "Look at this, he's gunna do us with a lead bowling ball and twenty kilo fluoro line. Where's the respect? Don't you just feel pity Sam when it's obvious that these blokes just aren't up to the mark." "And look, he's been watchin' Rexie too coz he's using those red hooks - with jewellery too - cop these little beads he's got on the line. Rex has been pushing this jewellery stuff for ages now. Did you hear much about Rexie down Gippsland way? He kisses fish mate, true, he does - it's disgusting. There should be a law." "You gotta love these punters Sam." "Cop the bait - swim over here Sam and have a whiff. Bait from the burbs, mate. Bait from the burbs. They couldn't decide whether it was gunna be marinara mix or bream bait. More likely the punter's missus has cracked it and told him to get the crap out of the freezer. Now would you think these pippies have been refrozen three or four times - cop the smell will ya. Even if they left one of us dead on the wharf on a hot January day, I'm sure we wouldn't end up on the nose as bad as this stuff." "Now what I'm pointing out to ya Sam, is that this punter has no chance - absolutely no chance. Like even a flattie, which around here has the intelligence of a house brick, is not going to suicide over this arrangement but, it is important for the area that we give him hope, OK? I'll say it again, no chance - but some hope. That equals back next weekend for another fling - and that means bait sales, tackle sales, parking tickets, petrol sales - it's how we help keep the economy of inner city Melbourne ticking over - very important, Sam. Docklands bream fishing is a nice little earner for all of us. The punters keep coming back, it's a convenient location, plenty to look at and they've all got stickers on their cars, saying I FISH AND I VOTE and so Bracksie scratches out a few more speeding fine dollars into cleaning up our backyard - it's a gem." "Now, what we have to do Sam to keep this mutually satisfactory arrangement going, is provide the punter his hope - but it has to be done in stages." "Step one Sam is to swim past gently and smack the line as hard as you can with your tail. Then wait. Do nothing. The whack should knock his disintegrating bait off the hook and he'll think he's had a bite. Back out now, while he checks his gear and rebaits. Remember to watch out for the sinker on its way down." "Next, I want you to swim up to about 2 metres from the surface, so that he can actually get a good look at you, coz you're a good looking fish Sam. Then casually swim back in under the piles - not too quickly - real casual like, like you don't have a care in the world. "Finally, I want you to watch this last trick and learn. What I'm going to do is pick up his fluoro line, a long way from the hook, run in around the piles and leave the line sitting on the edge of a mussel shell - but not break him off. He'll do that himself." "Now we need to repeat this process Sam in one of two ways. About eight times in quick succession and then take the rest of the day off, or about once every forty minutes right through the day - but you do need to vary it to keep up the intrigue." "Just a couple of other refinements, Sam. If it's husband and wife fishing, all the action goes to the wife's line. If it's parent and child, action is always to the kid's line. It drives the blokes insane, Sam - drives 'em absolutely up the wall!!!!!!" "That's how we give them hope Sam." "Is it cruel?" "No Sam, not at all." "I've been doing this since the 1970s, and I have done a lot of study on the matter. You see, bream fishermen don't feel pain. They feel frustration, respect and hope. And it's that hope that we create which keeps bringing them back." "Look Sam, we've gotta another one, using soft plastics - now these punters are a very different kind of desperate............" (27 June 2003) |
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